This started as a blog about a Random Picture

saw this on ambers blog (amberlyplace.blogspot.com)... she randomly picks a picture and then talks about it. since i am currently lacking inspiration and overcome with feelings of uncertainty about the future, i havent been blogging because- well- that stuff is kinda personal. but anyways, with no further adieu, a pic:

This is a picture of my grandmothers property where the old garage used to be. The garage is gone now, thanks to 60 years of dryrot, some chains, and a 4x4. You can see the side of the house to the left of the picture. Straight ahead is the bridge over the creek where i used to play when i was little. i picked mint out of the creek and ate it and the blueberries growing on either side of the bridge. All the trees in the back are her property too and my friends and i used to go trekking up the hillside- its a big area, especially to a little kid- and go until we couldnt go any further. I spent most of my childhood there while my dad was a workaholic and my mom was in the hospital- and it has always been home to me more even than the home my parents have lived in since 1984.

Now both homesteads are for sale. My grandma, the most important woman in my life, has been dead 4 years now. My parents are moving to the other side of the state. Not a good feeling to be being left All Alone. People say that I can always talk to them, that they are always available if I want to talk, but no one really is. They have their own lives and friends and families and problems, and dont really want to listen to mine, or even just tell me that things will work out. People as a rule are self-centered, and somehow I always end up the listener, when all I really want is someone to talk to.

Thats probably why I have this blog in the first place.

you know who you are

i love and miss you anonymous!!!

short statement

ive never felt like anyone was embarrassed by me. and i havent felt the least bit like an outcast since some of those awkward days of middle school... and as an adult i refuse to let anyone make me feel like any less of the wonderful chick that i am. so to anybody out there with those intentions- you know where you can stick them.

new job alert

ok so i put in my two weeks notice yesterday and will be starting my new job april 30th. i am nervous, excited, scared, and all that other crap. i will miss the people i work with but onward and upward! it is really sweet to have so many people who claim to be so affected by me leaving. i hope the people at the new place are cool too! but in the end its a job to do, not the people there thats important.
After all, when kk is done with college i am going back and then i can do what i really want to do.
hey good news- I jsut completed the first of ten things to do by my 10,000th day! woohoo for me! kudos all the way around :)
anything anybody want to read about? or any suggested topics? not feeling particularly creative... again haha.

i had an interview

and i think it went really well! it was over two hours, not counting a couple of tests i had to take.i went in for an accounting assistant job, which is pretty identical to what i do now, and ended up talking to the purchasing manager and really hitting it off more with her. i think that job would challenge me alot more than the accounting job. i hope she calls me back! I have an interview monday morning also for a scheduler job, which i think A: wont pay me enough, and B: wont be challenging enough.
i think the fact that i am single and also have a child makes me need that intellectual charge wherever i can get it, which seems to be mostly at work. the job i have now is nice in a lot of ways, but isnt challenging at all.
wish me luck!
in other news, i need my hair trimmed. anybody do free/cheap haircuts?

i have an interview

tomorrow. im nervous! ive never been interviewed without being offered the job. im wondering if maybe i am nervous about leaving my current job, and stepping into the unknown- not nervous about how I will do. Wish I could figure out what to wear! Blah. times like this i wish i had a boyfriend to give me a big hug and kiss and get me a good luck purple iris and reassure me that i am fabulous in every way imaginable. not asking too much am i? if i am, tell me and ill quit now.
ive been feeling like a bit of a burden to mr. man lately, although i dont think he would say it to my face. he hates driving and i live so far away. good enough reason to stop seeing someone? probably. but i like him. so im in it as long as he wants to put forth the effort. kinda funny- he says i have an open invite to his place- but i never invite myself to a guys house! so unless he invites me im not going up there. i feel kind of like that would be crossing some kind of dating line though, to him. like he keeps me out of a lot of his life, in a seperate area. eh. i guess the infrequent company of a good man is better than all the time in the world with a loser. more hugs and kisses would be nice though.

from our vacation

here is my beautiful daughter on the gorgeous sunny day we arrived at the beach.

beauty and the geek

that show always makes me laugh. i wonder if it is only on mtv re-runs because ashton kutcher is a producer...? Please, whatever you do, dont put me in a room with a bunch of chicks who cant identify a picture of john kerry, or name two MLB teams from california. id end up going to jail for trying to put some learnin to them. or for that matter, dont put me in a room full of men who think that having more than two pairs of shoes is ridiculous, and buying flowers is a waste of money. who says making someone smile is worthless? i think sometimes the most ridiculous sentiments can make someone feel the most special.
in other news...
went on vacation for four days this weekend. it was exactly what i needed. i quit worrying about the future and resigned myself to the life i am living right now, the good, the bad, and the ugly. going into this weekend, there were three things that were bugging me alot, and i told myself i wasnt going to think about any of the three of them till i was on my way back to reality. the three things were: job, apartment, and relationship.
truth is, most of my life is pretty fab. i decided not to move until later this summer. that will give me the chance to save up some, and get kk out of school, etc. plus- i like my place, i will have time to get rid of lots of stuff, and not spend my great summer worrying about a big place.
i have a meager paycheck that pays my meager bills right now, so i can afford (literally LOL) to wait for the perfect job offer. i want to work in gig harbor or port orchard, make more than i do, have better bennies, etc. i know thats asking alot, but im worth it, i give a bazillion percent at work, and any empoyer would be thrilled to have me. cocky? no. confident? hell yes.
my last topic of concern before this vacation was the stickiest: what do i want vs. what do i need from a relationship? i know i want to be someone's one and only someone, but what exactly does that entail? for now, i guess i am happy enough. i will know when i find whats missing. because as complete as i am, and as complete as my life is, i know in my heart and soul it is meant to be shared with someone who feels the same. im excited for love to find me! i know its worth the wait.

packing: an introductory guide for girls

This is written to help any other female who may ever leave her home for more than one night.
Just a few helpful hints and reassurances!
Let's start at the top and go down...

1. Hair stuff. Take everything you would use in a three day period. Take your own shampoo and conditioner, styling products, anything that plugs in, and your own hair dryer unless you want to spend 4 hours of SUN time blowdrying your hair. Consider the wind and humidity conditions of your locations. bring extra rubberbands, clips, claws, and anything else it takes to look human.
Same goes for make-up. Take your face washes, all daily make-up, and anything for a night out, or special circumstances: wind, sun, or chlorine. Just basically take everything in your bathroom. Oh, dont forget girl products or medicine.
The easiest way to achieve this is get a huge bag and dump everything out of all your bathroom drawers, thus alleviating your worry of forgetting something you may need.

2. Underwear. take all different kinds. You never know who will see it, or what it will be used for. thong, full-butted, push-up, seperate, minimize... what makes you think you wont have these same needs away from home? Just take it all. You cant predict whether you will be in the
mood for cotton, silk, satin, stretch, comfort, or glamour.

3. Outerwear. Just as easily as it can rain in Hawaii, it can be overcast and chilly in Mazatlan, and warm and sunny in Seattle. Best choice? layers. Take at least two of everything for each day you will be there. Plan for special events. Skirts, dresses, shorts, swimwear, bring everything you have. Who knows when there will be a major syrup disaster, or an unfortunate 'lets throw her in the pool' incident? You should probably not only pack all your clothes, you should also go shopping and get more. And probably new/more luggage while you are out.

4. Shoes. Yes, you need all of them. dont question me. are you questioning me? just wait. you will be the only one there without turquoise embroidered strappy slingback Chinese Laundry heels. wait and see, my friend. im only trying to help.

5. Other items. You really dont need anything else. If you look good, because you brought all your stuff, and you find you need something, someone will get it for you, jsut because you look good.

I hope this helps! When you get kicked off your flight for excessively heavy suitcases, jsut remember: i told you to buy more luggage!

love always!!!

me vs. the hiccups: who will prevail?

i am so looking forward to going out of town this weekend. its not a big deal to most, but kk and i havent been anywhere out of town for two years so we are both really looking forward to it. i get to teach kk how to fly a kite this year, and hopefully i wont break it like i remember somehow breaking all my kites as a young'un. kites and hot tubs- my idea of a great time :)

we leave thursday morning and come back sunday afternoon. hopefully we will have fun and not want to kill each other! either way it will be exactly what i need and i promised myself not to even think about work, somewhere to live, or anything else stressful until i get back. this is my ticket to laidbacksville. cant wait to see skies like this one below!

in other news... according to my 30boxes it is time to apply for the school district skills test. when i made this note i knew what it meant lol. maybe i need to start attaching url's to my notes so i am refreshed to what i was thinking at the time. i think it is the test to be an employee in kk's schol district. I dont know what kind of test it will be, but it is necessary if at any time i want to work for the district, which would be great. at least a month off in the summer? heck yeah! id take a pay cut for that! they ahd a job avbl for office manager at kk's school, and had i taken the test i could have easily been hired.

ok. work didnt suck as much today but i am in danger of having my hours cut due to budget so i need to figure something out quickly. i cant very well increase my rent amount by $300 if i am taking a big cut in pay. remember, its ok for me to worry about it today and tomorrow lol jsut not for 4 days after that- i promise!

laid back fun leslie needs to return, for everyones sake :)

deal or no deal?

fish is good. salmon is really good but easy to mess up. shrimp are delish. i think im making shrimp scampi for dinner tomorrow. im so lucky to live in the pacific northwest where fresh seafood abounds. kind of crazy my daughter loves seafood too; i didnt like it until i was in my late teens and wow was i missing out.
katey, riley, kk, my mom and i went to look at the place that i would love to move into. my boss told me to make a list of pros and cons ab out the place, and it was ALL pros except the price, which is really the biggest issue. ask me again in a month when i am still perplexed haha.
ok why does my computer keep changing the time back? i understand the whole early daylight savings thing, but it keeps wanting to re-set itself. does it think it is the boss of me, instead of the other way around? my computer should do what i tell it to, right? macs are looking better and better the more research i do (but dont tell my PC i said that ssssshhhhhhhhhh)
KK is going to the zoo tomorrow. im going to work. blah. havent been to the zoo since zoolights. OK that wasnt that long ago lol
my brain is going a bazillion miles a minute, which is really super-fast, because thats not even a real number. do you know what is a real number? googol. ive loved that since 4th grade. when my teacher in the challenge class Mrs Van Wert taught us all about ridiculously large numbers. I always wanted to open a theater when i was little and call it a googolplex... then only the smart kids would come :)

april fools is for lovers

ok thats not true. my april fools backfired- instead of kk getting mad she started to cry and i felt really bad.
i still feel all weird and not like myself today, like i have so many important decisions to make and they all could turn out really good or really badly... i think its stressing me out and kinda knocking me off my rocker (?) to the point where i cant make any decisions at all.
sometimes i need someone to live my life for me. jsut for half a day or so. look at all the details from another point of view and come up with the answer that must be so obvious to everyone else.
So much is right, but something just isnt and it is affecting everything else.
PROBLEM, MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN!! there are not enough hours in the day to keep guessing!