specialness

its the last day of march today, april here we come! this month i look forward to a long weekend in ocean shores, my moms bday, and my dads retirement. hmmm what kind of trouble can i get into in april?
anyways abut specialness...
its probably not a real word, but its an appropo title for what i have been pondering today.
ok heres the deal.
my life is about 99.9% complete. i love alot of it, like alot of it, accept most of the rest, and change what i can. so why is it i feel the need to be special to someone? im hoping that it is the classic female romantic crap and i just dont recognize it as such. is it weird that when i see a couple obviously in love and happy that i want that for myself?
can i get an opinion please?

shootings and stuff

ok so until the 21st century there was only one murder in my hometown of Gig harbor, which was a mentally unstable man killing his caretaker mother sometimes around 1975 or so. We all have mothers, and although it is never nice to kill people, it wasnt a random act of violence and is easy to see how someone off their rocker can lash out at the closest person around. Growing up in an idyllic small town has its priviledges, and one of them is assuming no one is going to get shot anywhere around you.
Then came April 2003.
The Tacoma Police Chief, who lived in Gig Harbor less than a mile from the house i grew up in, killed his wife and himself in front of their two young children in the parking lot of the restaurant me and kk and my parents go to every sunday after church. that kinda shocked the community, of course, because 'things like that dont happen in Gig Harbor.'
OK then this morning ALLEDGEDLY a husband shot his wife, and his friend before shooting himself, when jsut last night they were all planning a fitness cruise for the summer. how do people snap that fast?
Any what is it about small towns that the crimes have to be so much more horrific, unpredictable, and shocking than those of larger, more crime-ridden cities?
I will be glad when there is a generation of kids that dont remember there ever being any killings in gig harbor. Kind of like me growing up. Ignorance was truly bliss.

too ridiculous

ran across this picture and it is jsut too ridiculous not to share with both of you, my readers :)

today

was an alright day. still no luck looking for the housing in gig harbor or a new job that pays more. :( it will happen i jsut wish i knew when...
i guess i should concentrate on a couple of my other goals on my list. let me randomly pick #s 4 and 7.
work was alright- still stressful but we three ladies in the office sing alot which is oddly soothing and nice. any requests for songs? i will dedicate one to you tomorrow if you make a request. Mostly it is the Grease soundtrack, the Carpenters, and Brady Bunch hits. yeah yeah yeah i know.
OK time for another topic request. Anybody! Anybody? This is going out to all two of my readers!!!

there's something very satisfying

about knowing stuff. im not talking about being booksmart, although that is an awesome trait as well, im talking about having that confidence in yourself that when you say something, it is true.
i think it is very important to be honest, and when you are truthful to yourself and to others, it jsut feels good to be yourself. it feels good to be a good person.
in other news....
i didnt cry at work today haha. it was a medium day. nothing spectacular, nothing horrible, reconciliations this morning were tough, which i loved. i could count money and balance things all day long, so its funny that i am so horrible with my own finances.
yum. butterfinger ice cream left over from a great date.
im eating ice cream, watching the apprentice, and organizing shoes. how much better can life get?

three days of birthday

OK so after taking almost a week off from talking about myself because i didnt want to address all the crap i really need to, i am back and better than ever at avoiding reality and living in my own crazy head :)
So thursday was my official 27th birthday- happy bday to me :)
It started out as a great day- my boss got me a fab gift and brought in a cake, and we had a nice relaxing day at the office. it is great to get along so well with my boss and the new mktg mgr. anyways, then i was asked to help out another department, and what do i get for helping? a bunch of attitude from the queen and her jesters. it is completely ridiculous that i am one of the youngest people at work yet i feel like i am one of few actings like adults. so the head slimeball mgr makes me feel like such a worthless POS that i end up crying when i get back to my desk- then to deflect attention from her piss-poor people skills, she calls my boss and demands that I am reprimanded for my unprofessionalism and rudeness. thanks for ruining an otherwise fabulous day you dumb cow. whatever. she is old and barren and needs 5-10 pounds of make-up to even come close to resembling a human. i can gi to work straight from bed and still be fab times ten.
Friday was a better day- i got to look forward to mr man coming down to see me so that was a nice addition to my day :) it sucks that he lives so far away sometimes but its also nice because it really is like absence makes the heart grow fonder- like i am never around him enough to get all irritated and all our times together are special. hes a good guy.
Anyways so i took kk to a sitter for a couple hours so that we could have a nice grown-up meal and i didnt have to spend my time getting after her. Olive Garden was delish as usual, and i recommend the venitian sunset drink if you are looking for sparkly fruity goodness. Then came my first visit ever to Coldstone Creamery, where i stumbled because i was wearing funny shoes in the rain, NOT because i was drunk! It was a very nice night. Its great to be able to hold onto a man because i want to, not because i need to. If i ever turn into one of those girls who needs to, tell me you will take all my shoes away. that should straighten me out.
Saturday we stayed in bed for quite a while then went shopping. It was pouring but i had a fun day. There is something to be said for jsut staying in bed and communicating. the rain isnt quite as annoying if you are inside. At the end of the day dana came over, kk went to her friends hosue, and dana and i got ready and went out. we went to the casino and danced a bit and drank a bit, then we went to the swiss, where there was a fabulous band SEVEN DEEP who were singing like Prince, BBD, early 90s stuff like that which i LOVE and those guys could dance- holy moly. It was way fun. and its always nice to have your cover paid. And i got to throw a drink in some rude guys face. HA it was awesome and i felt like such a badass. So Saturday was great.
Sunday I woke up before 9, i know, strange for me :) and went and got kk and went to church where it was our apstors last sermon before he retires this week. There was a great brunch afterwards, and it was sunny and gorgeous outside. KK and i went up the street to my work afterwards and potted up some flowers for our super-old next door neighbor. Then we came home and i took a wonderful glorious nap... and so did kk! We got up, had some Ivar's, and that brings us to the end of a great weekend.
Lets hope this week goes better than last, and if its half as good as the weekend was i will be happy :)

Stuff on my mind

I have alot of things pitter-pattering thru my head lately and its making me kinda nutty. My parents, who are my only family, are moving this summer or sooner across the state and it is going to be weird to have them gone. I guess the feeling of a safety net is totally gone now. they arent going to be around for anything. Its just me and kk. And its going to be hard on her to have them gone. so that brings out the overprotective side of me because when i was growing up,
you know what
no one wants to read about this, its not funny.
and its not helping.

My 10,000th day of life

will occur on August 8, 2007. That is in just under 5 months. I think I will use it as a target date for some things I really need to do.
By my 10,000th day, I want to

1. Move back to Gig Harbor
2. Get KK in YMCA after-school care
3. Arrange Financial Aid for my E.R. bills
4. Acquire car insurance
5. Get a decent raise OR a higher paying job
6. Be in some kind of fabulous relationship
7. Lose 20 pounds (or more) that is about a pound a week- totally doable if i get off my derriere
8. Open a savings account
9. Have spent at least four saturdays at the beach/lake/spit/pool
10. Complete Clear Coating my entire SUV

Any help in any of these areas would be greatly appreciated! If you would like to donate a saturday this summer to chilling with me at the beach that would be most excellent. Ciao!

Note to stupid people #2

fix your trunk rattle. you know what im talking about.
no one cares that you spent over a 'g' on your 'pimp' system when it sounds like shit from the outside.
think about it. isnt the point to get chicks into your shaggin wagon? if it hits on the inside, park your car, get out your screwdriver, turn up the tunes, and take a walk around the OUTSIDE of the car and see how you look to the rest of the world.
i can respect a decent system, even show some love and a shout out and a wootwoot... but trunk rattling? i will jsut assume you are 16 and dont know any better.

so theres this girl

who finds it easier to talk to a blog than a real person. its easy to not get too close to a blog. a blog is never late, never tunes you out, never 'doesnt get you.'
so why is it this girl cant say some things? is she afraid of looking weak? maybe its because she is expected to be so damn strong and grown-up and mature all the time that the occasional insecurity that creeps in never gets dealt with and jsut stays there festering (i love that word, btw) under the surface until this girl just cries herself to sleep one night and wakes up with it back behind the wall where it belongs.
why does everything this girl says sound so retarded?
why cant she jsut say that she feels like no one ever really wants her around? like the one thing she wants more than anything in life is to be someone's person. yes i stole that term from grey's anatomy, so what? this girl knows that there isnt anyone on earth who would call her first if they won the lottery, or if they got in a car wreck, or if they found out they were pregnant, or for any of life's 'big news' events.
this girl has had best friends in the past, but it has been a while. she has been replaced very easily and its not so good for her security issues. this girl must just be one of those girls who is easy to say goodbye to.
the funny part, not funny haha, but funny like in a sucky shitty way, is that 95% of the time she has no issues. She is fine with the fact that the people she cares about care about her back, and the ones who don't she couldn't care less about. so why is she letting the other 5% get her down?
maybe it doesnt seem like such a big deal to not be special to anyone when the rest of her life is falling apart all over the damn place. maybe it is the fact that she finally has, for the most part, gotten her shit together, and now with all the clutter separated she can see the gaping hole in the middle of her heart.
and then as quickly as she gets upset about it, she is fine again, because there is stuff to do and places to be and a kid to somehow turn into a responsible, good-hearted member of society.

some stuff i love

here is a grammatically incorrect list of things that i love... why? because.

sleeping in. when my daughter says she loves me out of the blue. being missed. men that smell yummy. great big blockbusters with lots of stuff exploding. rascal flatts. alfredo sauce. making someone proud. my friends. an inspiring sermon. a perfect buzz. winning at poker. winning money at poker. winning in general. ikea. seat belts. the birth control pill. the mmpi. knowing stuff. bacon. the sound of the ocean. flip-flops. girlie stuff with an edge. vacations. great candid pics. 'i went somewhere' notes. going down a size. the grease soundtrack. white whocolate truffles. mango-scented candles. the fact that kk reads two grade levels ahead. assembling furniture. having big boobs. when kittens play. the new car smell. micro-fleece. tetris. touch lamps. the rose 'perfect moment'. a small-town background. my car. hot tubs. dancing drunk and alone. memories of my grandma. writing.
theres lots more but that list is enough to make me happy :)

11 days till my bday

So I thought I would let everyone know my birthday is coming up so that you all can start plotting against me enjoying anything about the day. I have had crappy birthdays all my adult life with the exception of my 23rd.
Hmmm maybe if i plan something ahead of time disaster can be averted. No, probably not.
I will be 27- cool. No problems with that
cept it seems like i just turned 26 yesterday.
or 25 or 24 for that matter.
Hmmm maybe I need to do something- a piercing, tat, or hair dye. Something drastic.
Lots of hmmm-ing going on.

We will see :)

Note to stupid people #1

They are called 'Parking Lights' for a reason- you use them when you are parked.
What kind of dumb switch got turned for you to think that it is perfectly ok to use your 'parking lights' when you are DRIVING?!?!?!?!?
If these lights are called parking lights, and they are used to notify and warn other drivers of the fact that your vehicle is parked, and stationary, why on God's green Earth would you think that they are for use while moving?
Cash in your retard check and turn on your damn headlights. Please.
Thank you! :)

ode to my straightener

oh straightener
how i love thee
you magically warm in the blink of an eye
you turn frazzled frizzled nastiness into long locks of beauty
i bow in reverence to your creator, conair
as i transform horror into bliss with your touch

oh straightener
how i love thee so

suggested topic

In my last post inspiration was not striking, so i asked for a suggestion of topic.
Tristan Pipo said...
I think a good topic would be how to better use the built in compression modules for apache and what apache mod's could also use compression to increase performance and lower bandwidth usage.
OK. I will address this very important topic. Let us start with definitions.
Compression is how far you push things down, like when you recycle cardboard. An apache is a helicopter. A mod is a moderator, like at a debate. Bandwidth usage is like channels on a CB radio.
THUS:
Apaches need to be built out of material that would compress to fit into a single bandwidth, yet not squish the moderator.
HOW DO WE DO THIS?
Build the apache out of legos, therefore enabling the moderator to sufficiently break down the apache to fit into a single bandwidth, and he needs to do it quickly to increase performance.
Piece of cake.

yesterday

was my parents 30th anniversary. thats a really long time. think about doing the same thing for 30 years. thats longer than my whole entire life. the only thing i have been doing for nearly 30 years is breathing and existing, and neither one of those is any work. ok thats enough about marriage- dont want to talk about it haha
what i will talk about is
hmmm
cant think of anything.
any requests for a topic? if not, i will have to wait until inspiration strikes.
happy trails to you :)

amazing race

i would LOVE to be on this show, but like all other reality shows, i dont think im as cut-throat as it takes, and im also not a big fan of running. But i am great with maps, directions, and instinct, and what better day to see the world?

im a big fan of the coalminar and his wife, david and mary, and their unfailing optomism and view of the race as a great opportunity to see the world outside of virginia. i think they should be on every reality show. except maybe paradise hotel. dont really want to see either of them in a swimsuit. but todays kudos go to david and mary. ill miss your smiling faces!

mazatlan

ok so i wanted to put up a pic that is my desktop pic right now- heres the short story to accompany...

my mother spent a week in january in mexico at my uncle's timeshare in mazatlan. it rained the whole time until the last day, which sucks for a tourist but is great for some incredible sunsets. i asked my mom to learn how to work her new digital camera and take me an authentic, beautiful sunset or beach or soemthing- anything- i jsut wanted an original and NOT someone elses. i think my mom was nervous because A: one persons idea of beautiful is not necessarily anothers, B: the camera kinda scared her a bit being new and all, and C: she doesnt seem to think that i think that anything she ever does is good enough for me,. which is not the case. anyways, here is the pic that is so pretty i can sit here and jsut look at it, and im very proud of the great job she did taking it.

Kudos to mom :)

the ides of march are upon us

when i was younger i would hear that saying and think it was 'the eyes of march' and think- who the heck is watching me?
ah youth.
anyways this has been a crazy month- and as i type this i realize i must be allergic to something because i have a rash all over the back of my hand and arm. strange... maybe its fragrance from a foreign laundry detergent. im so snobby about some things and my laundry detergent is one of them. i only use wisk- which is a little on the expensive side but i try to get it on sale. one time at my moms house she bought about 20 bottles of it when it went on a really good sale and that summer i had a party at my moms house and people were like whoa what the hell is UP with the bazmillion laundry detergents?
ok back to the crazy month- it should start to get back to normal now that expo is over at work- things should calm down, but i have to admit it was great to get a full day of overtime- and the energy was so fresh and new that i really didnt mind being there ALL. DAY. on my day off. or the getting up freakishly early. OK now im lying- i waaaaaaaaaaaay minded that part. spring is coming and i love working at the nursery when spring springs. everything is so good-smelly and new and fresh, and there is so much more work to do.
I learned something botani-horticuri-planty today. The Unmaster Gardener's Tip #1: Hydrangea's do not bloom on new stalks. (remember i am probably using all the wrong terminology but hopefully my point will shine through) So when you cut back or prune a hydrangea, try to only prune about a third of the plant, and try to do it as symetrically and evenly as possible, so that next year you dont jsut have a big chunk with no blooms. And the branches that you do trim, trim all the way back, almost to the ground.
Slowly but surely i am learning! i have worked at the nursery a year and 4 months now, and know about probably 15 plants we carry with certainty. I am better at listening and remembering latin plant names, and i can sometimes not only understand a question a customer asks, but answer it! Dont worry, true gardeners of the world, i dont ever guess! if i dont know the answer 100% i find someone who does.
PS Unmaster Gardener's Tip #2: That clematis vine that looks dead isnt! Every year the brown becomes green and it blooms beautiful purple or white flowers.
or maybe thats a camellia- i always get those two confused.