is grey's anatomy. I may have already written about how much i like this show but since i have been sitting her watching season one that i bought the other day i have to say it again. i like it almost as much as i like my hair straightener.
there is a quote at the end of episode six when meredith says something about why hit yourself in the head with a hammer... because it feels so good when you stop. makes me wonder if thats not what im doing to myself. do i really have to think this much about every damn thing? i know i dont, but i dont know how to stop. a sociopath once told me to jsut have fun and as long as you are making yourself happy then who cares about anything else? well thats not the answer for me personally, but i have to admit that i wish i had jsut an ounce of the ability that he had to forget about all the bad stuff, and do what makes me feel good all the time.
off subject... sorry. anyways i think i like this show so much because so many of the actors can portray the raw emotions that i seem to be feeling all the time and cant show.
do you ever feel like you are watching yourself go slowly crazy? i dont think i am anywhere near commitable but i definitely need a long vacation somewhere sunny with NO KIDS anywhere near me, and no decisions to be made but whether to finally get up since its lunchtime and i dont want to miss the seafood buffet.
a couple of weeks ago i knew i was getting close to breaking down, so i tried to plan it for the weekend, and that didnt happen. so tuesday i was telling my boss i was mad that i hadnt had my breakdown that weekend because then i would have to try to wait until next weekend. well needless to say the day turned craptastic and i ended up crying at work. at least it wasnt raining so i could go out on my private lanai and be alone. of course going out there brings back memories that most of the time i wish i didnt have.
do you ever try to retrace your steps and see if you can pinpoint the one event that made your life change drastically? sometimes its easy- the death of a loved one, and illness, a move... but sometimes the symptoms of a life-altering event dont show up for months, or even years, and take even longer to wreak their havoc on your life. i know this last life-changing course of events seemed pleasant and innocent enough at the time, but nearly a year later i am half the person i used to be. its not cool.
and i dont think anyone even noticed.
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