RIP Medium

After four months of blissful harmony, one of our danios decided it was hungry for a carnivorous snack mid-day and took a bite out of another one of our danios.

Cheers to you, Medium. I'm sorry Large was such a monster. I shall pour out some liquor for you, homie.

Thats Medium, the blur in the middle of the picture in front of the glow-in-the-dark plant. Damn fish wouldnt sit still and have their picture taken like nice fish. So belligerent.

Today so far

I punched a wall today. Not because I was angry, but because I am a bad judge of distance. Cut my thumb. It only bled a little. But I don’t think I felt as stupid as the hot guy who was talking to me and wasn’t looking where he was going and walked into a half-wall LOL That’s one thing I miss about my last job- there are not nearly enough good-looking guys to keep me interested in being here all day. One guy does remind me quite a bit of someone from my past- to the point of it being impossible to look at him without thinking of that other person- but not to the point of reminiscing. Just kinda weird.
So I discovered I am yearning for something but I don’t know what it is. I am open to suggestions. It may be that I am anxious to get my new life started in Bremerton. I could do without all the trash-talking about Bremerton- So Sorry I cant afford to live in Richtown, USA. People who want to judge me like that are welcome to get the hell out of my life :) Kind of made me feel like the good progress I thought I was making was no good at all. I don’t like to feel that way. I do what I can with what I have. I am not going to sit around complaining about my life and how it is so much harder than anyone else’s blah blah blah- its not my style.
Speaking of style, I wore this amazing new black dress out on Saturday night. I knew I looked good and all, but when I was coming home from dinner a little girl came down from the apartment upstairs and came around the corner and just stared at me like I was Cinderella. That was special. I mean, guys can tell me I look good, and that is always nice to hear and appreciate it, but when I make a little girl stop in her tracks- that’s when I know I hit the right mix of classy and pretty.
Hey I am writing this draft in my outlook email and it is pretty sweet because it capitalizes and adds some grammar which is more than I normally do when I write haha.
More later- now I have to get back to work. I miss having someone to yahoo-flirt with all day. I will have to get a flirt-buddy who uses windows live messenger LOL.

this weekend

was pretty good for the most part. lets review the highlights.
Friday i worked late, which has become the pattern at this job. I dont mind it; after three weeks i still like my job and feel like i made a great decision and see myself being there quite a while. my boss says the same about me, which is always nice to hear! KK and I grabbed some dinner and went over to Kateys house to hang out and have some beers while the kids played. It was great to see them. katey and I have been through so much together and it is such a great feeling to have a true friend for life, who is never afraid to tell me how it really is.

Theres Katey with a couple of drinks in here in Canada over the winter- maybe New Years Eve.

Fabulous Friday didnt last, however, due to my new neighbors. They thought shooting bb guns off the deck would be a good way to introduce themselves to the neighborhood. While that may work for Bubba and Kevbo out in the backwoods, that doesnt fly in the middle of the city. Morons. So I did what any pissed off, cranky, sleep-deprived woman trying to watch the original west side story would do: called the cops. So the cops come out, make a bunch more noise, and i go to bed around midnight. Sounds like the end of the day, yes? NO. haha, tricked you.

200 am- i hear an assload of noise outside my bedroom window. I get up, open the blinds, and see a tow-truck unloading one of my crackhead neighbors cars. so since they are all already up, i guess they figure everyone should be up. they are laughing and carrying on, clanking chains around everywhere, stuff like that, jsut making mmmmmm about as much noise as possible. at 230 it finally stops. So I go back to bed. The worst part of this is that when i was awakened at 200, i was in the middle of a horrible mightmare and felt scared and panicky, went thru my apartment checking doors closets and windows looking for the attackers who had been there before i woke up. So when i fell back asleep i had a bad headache and didnt sleep well the whole rest of the night, which unfortunately only lasted till slightly after 8am. Then saturday began.

Kaytelin had an 11am baseball game out at Kopachuck Upper so we went to my old work to stop by and see Tammy (my old boss) and Myrna, the most badass lady i have ever met. So we hung out there for a little while then went to her game, where a few girls were gone and i got to talk to the coaches wife, who is one of the two moms i do not want to smack for being so snobby and uppity as to make me uncomfortable being around them. She is cool. thumbs up in my book. about 45 minutes into the game it started to pour so we huddled together under someone else's (read: someone more prepared!!!) blanket to keep out of the rain as much as we could. Game over at 1230 and kk and I headed to lunch. I wanted to get a new dress from old navy so i told her if she bahaved i would take her to KFC for lunch. She did, so we ate and headed to run some more errands. She was supposed to be at Mistys at 4 but we didnt get back home till 3, and i had to bake cookies, shave my legs, apply self-tanner, and clean the front rom and my room before we left. I am glad I got all that done because I ended up being rushed for the rest of the afternoon. The day ended with the most delicious $7 Peach beer http://www.merchantduvin.com/pages/5_breweries/lindemans_peche.html I have ever tasted in my life and a 10pm viewing of Shrek the Third. Enjoyable day.
Sunday was nice also- stayed in bed till after 11 then got up and went on a Mission: Not Quite Impossible to find air hockey pucks. had a great very yummy lunch and a strong drink at TGI fridays and then went and picked up KK and took her to Prims. Had a nap which is always a pleasurable experience, now I am writing this and getting ready for bed. Tomorrow is another day :)
TTFN haha

time to revisit my 10,000th day list

OK here is my list and we will cross things off together :)
Color-coded, of course, Green means completed, Yellow means in progress, and Red means haha yeah right:

1. Move back to Gig Harbor (OK bremerton isnt gig harbor, but i also cant afford gig harbor, but i found everything i wanted in a place closer to work and a better deal- the same place in gig harbor would be at least 1000 a month)
2. Get KK in YMCA after-school care (KK starts Monday, and its all paid for thru the end of the year)
3. Arrange Financial Aid for my E.R. bills (have them all together and jsut havent turned them in)
4. Acquire car insurance (nowhere close on this one)
5. Get a decent raise OR a higher paying job (How about both? Heck yeah, bonus points for me!)
6. Be in some kind of fabulous relationship (no clue on this)
7. Lose 20 pounds (or more) that is about a pound a week- totally doable if i get off my derriere (Halfway there as of last week)
8. Open a savings account (Havent done this- forgot all about it actually)
9. Have spent at least four saturdays at the beach/lake/spit/pool (One down, three to go... this one is the one i am msot excited about honestly LOL)
10. Complete Clear Coating my entire SUV (Bought the stuff for it, washed my car thoroughly in anticipation of starting, then ran out of sun time. So im workin on it)

Lots left to do. Anyone want to help on any of these? Hey- maybe I will combine my 10,000th day party and my ghetto hood party and jsut have one big blowout. Or maybe two parties is better. I will have to think about this.
toodles

i got that place

and i get the keys may 29th. yay for me! i am excited. it may not be alot to some people, but it is a big deal to me. its going to be home for a while. maybe a long long time. it has three bedrooms, a big bathroom with a linen closet, laundry room, garage, yard, its at the end of a culdesac AND kk already has a friend who lives next door that we met when we were looking at the place.
some people at work told me it was the ghetto in that neighborhood... but i looked and its not... and I have a pretty accurate ghettometer. But anyways to celebrate my new place i am going to have an open house- and because they said its in the ghetto im going to have a hood party wioth a ghetto theme. everyone bring your Old-E and wear your bling- mama's cooking fried chicken and some one is going to roll on dubs. all are invited, yo.
OK anyways back to my place. Its way cute- even the name of the street is cute. my dutch lady landlord is way cool. and there is cable in every room- oh yeah baby.
i am just really excited. Life is coming together- great new job, great new place, jsut about everything i need! two things on my list of things to do before my 10,000th day are done.
WAIT!!!!!
Three things are done! KK got into the YMCA kids camp so wow i am really cookin on my list :)
time to revisit it and see where i stand. Look for a 10,000th day list countdown update blog soon!

kisses to you all

a kitsap adventure

my mission, since i chose to accept it, was to find a place to cash my paycheck, my first one from my new job, and get a $15 money order to pay the (wait- have to do a google search on what do you call people from holland, brb) oh yeah- dutch- i shuddup i should have known that... okay to pay the dutch rental lady for the credit check.
ok so since i do not currently have a bank account, i needed to either A: open one, or B: go to a check-cashing place and get it cashed for a nominal fee. OK considering option A, I didnt have the proper paperwork, I only had my ID and SS card with me
ok back to the story- I went into Kitsap Bank to open an account and was told that was fine with the ID i had, except they would not be able to cash my check, they would have to hold it for a couple days to 'get things established.' OK well fine but i needed the $15 for the dutch lady. so that was out. Strike one.
Went driving around Bremerton looking for a check cashing place- didnt find a single one. but i tried... for an hour and a half. drove up and down and down and up east and west and tried following where the traffic was going to find business areas but ended up like wtf is everything in bremerton an auto repair shop or a bank or a crackhouse? got lost in disturbia and had a nise leisurely drive through nobody knows but ended up finding myself at a place that i had mistakenly gotten lost at last week. i recognized it enough to get myself the heck outta there. OK most people know i love to drive and take drives, but few if any know how much i HATE HATE HATE to be lost. thankfully it very rarely ever happens
so after i meandered back to the 3 i went up to silverdale, but instead of getting off at the mall exit which would have put me in exactly the place i needed to be, i got off at the earlier exit into south of silverdale. followed the traffic, and finally found a check cashing place. So happy!!! especially because i was starting to stick to my seat like you only can when you are wearing a skirt that doesnt come to your knees. plus i had to pee. badly.
so i go in and this gorgeous chickie smiles at me that of course she can help me, then takes my info and frowns at me that they do not verify bank of america paychecks. Strike two. But she does give me the somehwat helpful yet oh-so-vague information that the Cash Box by the safeway in bremerton probably would. OK good. except i dont know what safeway in bremerton. or where any are, but i assume there are multiples. So since i am Smart Driver With Amazing Instincts Woman, I just get in my car and start driving in a direction that feels east.
I end up in construction and a detour, of course, then see the dreaded sign "Freeway Entrance" wtf? there arent supposed to be any freeways in east bremerton. no one told me. i did not get the memo.
hate to do it, but i call my mom. she tries her best to find the east bremerton safeway but gives up when she cant figure out why the safeway website wants her to log in jsut to find a store. she is of the school that believes anyone who wants a password is going to take your credit card information and steal your identity.
so to end my story because im pissed off now because i formatted this wrong and when i 'saved as draft' it erased a bunch of the entertaining part:. after three hours i acheived my mission, got some pretty good orange chicken and met some pretty girls and hot guys along the way.
adventure closed.

"things end up how they are supposed to"

that pearl of wisdom dropped out of someone's mouth today. i understand that- but what i dont know is how to not care in the meantime... how to not let my feelings and disappointments show. I know that everything that happens is leading up to another thing that will happen and it is all experiences and learning and what i dont get is why some people are able to bounce back up so quickly and some jsut get pummeled over and over and all at once.

as i predicted...

back to the whining and all that. The sun went away, reality set in, im back to being as messed up as i get. i feel like something is really wrong with me and i dont know what. like i am close to having my shit together... but every time i get close to something good it is taken away from me or doesnt work out so its like why even bother. i have to move and i cant make it happen. i am so discouraged. like even if i find a place i wont be able to afford the deposit and stuff to move in so whats the point in even looking. i just need someone to take control of my life for a minute and figure out where i am going so freaking wrong.
then theres this guy, and he is great and jsut what i need but somehow even though he makes me as happy as i get, i decide its not enough?!? wtf? it has me so backwards in the head and i am tired of dealing with all the emotions i jsut want to shut down and not have any emotions at all. it seems to be so easy for some people to jsut not care.
it is so hard to feel like i am not enough. not enough to make someone happy... not a good enough mom, not a good enough anything. like how am i so delusional that i think i am enough- because i msut be wrong because i seem to be the only one on the planet who thinks that i am worth anything.
im tired of crying, my face hurts- its chapped and my contacts are getting all mad at me and i have an awful headache and i cannot even picture getting up in the morning and putting on a happy face as i head to my job that is still pretty new.
add to that mess that i created a traffic cop who wanted to yell at me. OK here he is directing mariners game traffic and he is signaling the lane i am in to go go go then when i am halfway thru the intersection he changes his mind and i slam on my brakes in the middle of the walkway- then he wants to come over and i have my window down because i am all hot and crying my eyes out about stuff and he actually says dont you see the sign and i said yes sir but i thought that when an officer is directing traffic it overrules the sign and he says thats jsut stupid, you are lucky i dont have time to write you a $191 ticket and he starts walking away. then like a dumbass i start yakking with my window still down about oh you are really going to give me shit like this when i am already crying? yeah happy fucking mothers day to me thanks alot dickhead. then he starts approaching me again so i jsut go because i dont want to deal with it.
So because i am in an unfamiliar part of town and should have really been looking at signs instead of crying too hard to see anything, i miss the onramp and end up heading on i90 towards spokane before i realize what i am doing and have to figure out my way back to going the right way.
I had intended on going to the old navy at southcenter because they have different stuff and its a bigger store than either of the ones in tacoma today but i was too upset so i didnt go. Can you imagine- i was so upset i didnt go shopping at a store i had a big gift card to?
things are not quite right with the world today.
I am glad i stay really busy at work so tomorrow will come and go quickly and so will every other day until i feel ok.
i hate that temporary feeling of 'i am not going to be okay.'

summers coming!

ah the sun. nothing cheers me up more than great warm weather, cold drinks and something fun to do. last summer was awesome- lots of great dinner parties with great conversations, delicious food, good drinks, impromptu fashion shows- formal wear for the ladies, lingerie for the gents- (good times) So much fun. Met lots of new people, some great guys, many new friends, and hope to do the same this summer. This is where i would insert the old adage about old friends being gold and new ones being silver but i always mess it up, so instead i wont :) So I will definitely be moving in either June or July, Looking for something along the west side of Hwy 3, Port Orchard, Gorst, Sunnyslope, hell- even Chico would be OK lol... as long as it is nice and we can call it home. So all you Kitsapians (??) keep your eyes peeled, or if you read the paper, let me know if you find a 2bdrm 2ba home on an acre with w/d hookups and a garage for $700 LOL ok ok I would take most of the above :)
Changes are coming- im excited and a little apprehensive... but i know im on a great road and im excited to see what the future has in store for me.
Now wait till it rains three days in a row and my blogging will be back to normal LOL whining and moaning etc.
Im telling you- its the UV rays- they do something to me!

advice from the ladies

any of you brilliant women out there have any words of wisdom for me? i am in the unfortunate situation of having fallen for someone who has not fallen for me back. I need some pointers on getting past the rejection. I already know im fabulous, but how do I accept that he thinks differently? Email or myspace me your suggestions. If you dont have my email or myspace, leave a comment. Thanks!