Today was slightly better

Maybe I am finally growing up enough to realize that it is totally okay to have no one around than to have sub-standard people in my life. The problem is, I spend waaaaaaay too much time alone. The other problem is that the longer I am single, the higher my standards become. But is that really a problem? Feedback please :) Except I don't have any readers anymore. Boo.

Peace and Quiet

I miss my best friend. I need that face time. The communication via text, email, and online chatting is just soooooo not the same. The context is missing and we both are so sarcastic that everything seems to get turned around and one or both of us ends up hitting a nerve or getting our feelings hurt. Why is my friendship with him different than any friendship I have had in my life? Every day he is gone sucks. I don't see how the huge change in one friendship can make me so damn miserable all the time.
I have no answers. I am just sad, mad, lonely no matter whos around, and feel incomplete. How did this get so twisted?

Two in a row!

Hi there...
TGIF! I am soooo tired- I dont know how yall ladies with children plural do it. I only have one and it is like- go to bed already so I can!
So tonight Wonder Woman, Frenchie and I went to PV for dinner and a drinkie. Yummmmm- I had been craving those enchiladas for over a week now! I have the worlds best friends. I hope I am as good of a friend to them as they are to me :)
So I like someone. Yeah, big deal, I have ever since I met him over a year ago but it has just been the last 6 months or so that I was really really romantically interested in this person. So I dont technically work with this person but I do work near him... and it makes me wish I could go to work every day. I do not look forward to the weekends because I miss him. So I will give myself till the last day of May for something to either move forward or end. I have thought about this before and ugh I dont know if I can stick to it but I am going to try. Wish me luck... and get ready to read about either a very happy or a very sad me in blogs to come. It is temporary, self!
Have a great weekend...

and now May...

How are you?
I am doing the same ole stuff... loving my lame job, loving my badass friends, wishing the M's better skills, and wondering why my house is not on autoclean.
Here is whats new with me/us:
1. I got a new laptop! I love it, although Vista SUCKS! This was a bday oresent from my folks and I am very excited as I will finally be able to write the book I have been promising Korin for years. How will I write a book when I cant even blog more than once in a month? Hmmm good question, readers (are there any of you left even???)
2. I made my first coconut cream pie and everyone really liked it :) I only started one small fire trying to properly toast coconut for the topping, but it was easy to throw away and start over.
3. KK is in baseball. She is doing really well and loves it. She is not afraid to compete against and play with the boys. She is a fighter! i am so proud.
4. My control freak ass got to run the company while the bosses were in Chicago for a week. I had so much fun! Cant say the same for anyone else... but it was so relaxing to actually have a handle on things, and I think people had a good time :) hey it was a short vaca for us too, give us a break!

So what is NOT new with me?
1. School- still in it, still passing both classes by the skin of my teeth- please keep wishing luck upon me as I try to pass English!
2. Love life- still not seeing anyone, still hoping for a chance with the friend I have a thing for, we will see what happens.

hey- if you are out there and still read me, let me know!

It's April now

Not much to say.
I did pick three out of the final four contestants on Make Me a Supermodel, as you can see if you look back a couple months posts. Go me. Holly won that show. I hope she learns how to speak in public because she is a gorgeous model. I would hate to have my reputation decline every time I opened my mouth.
So I am crushing hard on this one guy and don't have the guts to say anything to him but man it makes it really hard to concentrate or get anything done over the majority of my week. I am waiting to see if it wears off or if eventually I open my stupid mouth and ruin a friendship.
Baseball season is upon us and this morning was spent beautifying kk's home field. Ha I put more work into that thing in a day than I put into my whole yard all Spring. Shoveling, sweeping, weedwhacking, weeding, trimming, hacking, and getting rained on. Feels good :)
So what's up with you?

sparks

Are sparks necessary?
You know, that feeling in your stomach when you look at someone or remember certain happenings and you feel like you are going to puke, but in a good way? Well that is how it feels for me sometimes.
What I am wondering is whether a nice, stable, dependable and still passion-filled relationship is enough, or if there has to be sparks. The thing about sparks is that they usually don't care about dependability, fidelity, or stability. They are jsut either there or they aren't. That may be what my failed relationships had in common- plenty of spark and no common sense.
I don't want to grow old with someone who I simply have a spark with. I want a healthy, devoted, best-friend type with whom I can also have awesome sex.
I know that I need to lead with my head, and be able to follow with my heart, but I am having trouble knowing whether a little bit of spark can sustain a relationship, or if it is failed from the start.
What are your guys' experiences with spark and it's necessity for long-term?

I am a little behind

in posting anything about any men in my life. Mostly there has been nothing going on there, but I did meet a great guy a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately he lives in Nebraska. I met him when he was here visiting family. He is such a good guy that if he was here I would definitely bring the A-game to that situation.
After two wonderful days together and a depressing week beating myself up about why do I do this to myself, I still have no good answer. Is it better to have a great experience and then miss the person I had it with, or is it better to not meet people at all unless somehow I can know ahead of time that they are mentally and physically available to attempt a friendship-growing-into-more thing?
Blah. So I end up missing this guy and just being mad at myself. Yes I am glad I made a new friend. No I am not glad that I know there is one more great guy out there that is not for me.
In other news, I have a cold and I am in charge of inventory again tomorrow. So I have to make sure I find my Aleve Cold and Sinus because, in case you have forgotten from 140 posts ago, it is one of God's blessings to the Earth.
Wish me luck... at finding the Aleve, at having a good inventory, and at not worrying about love.

My new addition

OK I started typing this post February 20th but am finishing it today:

Here is what I did today:


So this is my first tattoo. There is a story behind it but I don't have time to write that right now as I am doing the mom thing of laundry, looking up a doctor online, making a snack for kk and two friends, texting a new person, and wearing in my new Marc Fishers with the 4.5inch heels.

Crock Pot

So I got one. I suppose now I am to cook in it, or with it, ro whatever the correct verb is there.
What I need from you guys is a good recipe or two to try it out and see how exactly this thing goes down. Yes, it came with a cookbook, but the recipes I have seen so far are either a million ingredients, or putting meatballs and bbq sauce in and 8 hours later you have meatballs with bbq sauce.
Any good ones?

I was in the paper

but it was a long long time ago. Not often do I get recognized for something in my professional life. I think the only other big achievement of my career thus far was not getting shot during as armed robbery.
Read if you would like... the link is here mostly for preservation :P

http://kpbj.com/report/articles/2005-03-03-RPT-08.html